The Death Ache

This is my newest poem: 

Doctor,

Slice me open!

Rid me of this endured sickness

Infecting the penetralia of my soul.

I worship the true musician

With locks of gold;

A god of treasured words.

He makes me retch.

Staring at the blue liquid,

I know,

I am trapped among ghosts.

My face is red, you ask.

It's from bloody tears.

The past is forever present

Only untouchable.

I hit the pane of glass by day.

Breaking through by night.

He says we will creep together.

He yearns for my love,

But he is deaf to my speech.

Oh, erase these ballads of woe swirling in my head!

My heart has bled a thousand times

From the razors and daggers of life.

A myriad of broken vows, murdered dreams.

Wrench it out, I beg you!

Saw off my blistered feet.

I don't wish to run after love.

A cruel wind

I cannot catch.

A beat

I fail to keep.

Take my spine!

It hurts from all the one-night stands.

Your wife would like a new necklace,

I'm sure.

Consider it a gift.

Forgive me!

I have inebriated organs.

Innate behavior to fill cavities,

Muffle screams.

Peel off my death mask.

You have my permission!

Doctor,

Hang it up. 

This poem was created using a mixture of feelings, a jumble of words and various bits of songs including Evanescence and David Bowie.  The idea of surgery came from the TV show called "The Hunger" and the episode title was "Sanctuary"; it featured, you guessed it, Bowie.  The musician to whom I refer is Bowie and the poem is an expression of sadness, frustration and nostalgia of how so much old work from artists are still available for current generations and future ones.  I just find it sad that I missed so much of an actor or musician that I know now as an older person who either continues to create new work or has slowed down considerably.  The songs that inspired this work are "Time Will Crawl, "Ramona A. Stone/I Am With Name" and "The Enemy is Fragile" - all of which are by Bowie.  I also used "Missing" by Evanescence.  

Lastly, the idea of sawing off one's feet came from a story by Hans Christian Anderson which I read when I was very young.  The story, "The Red Shoes", was about a girl who wore red shoes to mass which at the time was sinful.  I haven't looked into why, but I just know the Church used to have an issue with the color red.  One day, the girl dances while wearing the red shoes, but then she realizes that she cannot stop.  She ends up dancing for days until she comes upon an executioner's house where she begs him to chop off her bloody feet.  Needless to say, the story left a great impact on me. 

Here are the videos: